I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
