His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
