never play flip cup with pint glasses
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
