'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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