Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
