I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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