Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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