her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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