Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
