I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My penis needs a shock collar
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
