Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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