also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
