Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
