Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
