Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
