dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Alive.
So much puke
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
