Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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