jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
