Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
