this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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