kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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