i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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