He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I believe in your delicious
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
