I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
