Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
