dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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