Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You can't just leave with hair like that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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