my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i would punch a child for taco bell
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
