Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
