Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
