Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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