Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
