Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
