Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
