I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
