Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
