so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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