My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i now understand why vodka
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
