Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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