wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just puked most of my soul out..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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