my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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