Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
