just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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