i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
