I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
