I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
