I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have demons in me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
