She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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