Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
