I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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