Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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