I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
