So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
