Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
